ATTENTION! . . . ATTENTION! . . .
ahem. excuse me.
WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM FOR AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT . . .
my boss says that this can't wait
A FAMILY FORCED TO FLEE . . .
we can't tell you exactly who because we don't know yet
THEIR HOME . . .
you never know - it could be your next-door neighbors
BECAUSE OF A COMMON HOUSEHOLD PRODUCT . . .
something you are likely to have in your own home right now
STAY TUNED FOR MORE DETAILS . . .
if we tell you now then you might be tempted to turn to another channel
THIS HAS BEEN AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT . . .
in case it wasn't obvious
FROM YOUR LOCAL NEWS TEAM . . .
in case it wasn't obvious
WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR ORIGINALLY-SCHEDULED PROGRAM, ALREADY IN PROGRESS . . .
sorry we made you miss the end of the previous program. guess you'll never find out how that mystery turned out. and there was supposed to be a twist. too bad. and you've also missed the "cold open" of the next program. heh-heh-heh.
And later in the indicated news broadcast I get the latest celebrity gossip (oh, excuse me, I meant news) since knowing who has secretly married, divorced, turned up pregnant, been arrested, changed their hairdo, wore old clothing as a disguise is ever-so important.
And then a teaser about the weather, but not the actual weather report - that comes at 20 minutes after the hour and no real details should be allowed to escape before that.
And a teaser about the local sports teams results, but no real details of that either because sports (unless a championship final) is not allowed to surface completely before 25 minutes after the hour.
And a teaser about what the mayor/governor/councillor/speaker did, but no details of that because that is for after the commercial break.
Oh, look, the first commercial break.
And after the commercial break is the chit-chat section. You know. Where the co-anchors catch up on how their day was or the new tie.
And the details are carefully doled out without going into too much background because those watching might actually learn something and then they wouldn't have to watch news the next time.
Eventually, after another part one of this week's five-part investigative report, and another round of teasers, and another commercial break, I finally hear the details of the story that was so important that they broke into the evening's "regularly-scheduled programs". I hear that a family of five in Lesser Nowheresville (which is a continent away from here), missed an old egg when cleaning out their refrigerator and it went rotten and the smell frightened them enough that they called the local authorities to investigate. This should be a warning to us that simple things can have a large impact on our lives.
And now for the weather and sports.
[The Sunday Scribblings prompt "In the news" brought this pet peeve to my mind and it woudn't let go. I think I feel better now. For a while.]