[Totally Optional Prompts asked for an animal poem, and since the Monday Poetry Stretch at the Miss Rumphius Effect asked for a sonnet (Italian form), this is what came out.]
Butterfly Patience
One gold and magic summer day
when we were young and full of "why?"
we sat in chairs, my bro and I
and rested from our childish play.
To sit in place, not move away,
was hard for younger bro to try.
Then from the air a butterfly
alighted on his arm to sway.
The monarch with its black/orange wing
had joined us in our short-lived rest.
We held our breath, then whispered, "oh,"
And wondered at this fragile thing.
Then careful not to touch it lest
it could not fly – we let it go.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
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18 comments:
You've captured a moment in time - I like the way you say 'our short lived rest'
I like the last four lines, they work really well. I can feel your brother's energy.
this was playful,, yet full of childhood insight... i loved it....
Very endearing!
oh! exactly!
Thanks, aka Danny. Its a moment that wanted me to tell it.
Hi, Jo - those do scan well, don't they?
Thanks, Paisley and Rob. And thanks, Pauline. I'm glad you like it.
I love butterflies..
Nicely done! A friend once stood still for quite some time while a monarch danced on her foot.
Such a great moment you captured! Wonderful use of rhyme.
Hi, Gautami - I like 'em too and I wish there were more around. Too many pesticides these days.
Thanks, Tumblewords. At the time I was so jealous that the butterfly wanted nothing to do with me and I'm the one who could sit still!
Hello, Holly Mac. Thanks. With the sonnets I usually build up a load of rhyming words to choose from as "building blocks."
I love rhyme done right and you've nailed it with this one. Everything shows instead of tells and that's not always easy to do with rhyme.
I love the moment you've captured there.
Thanks, Linda and Juliet.
Thank you for leaving that helpful hint on my comments! YES! It does help! I see what I did wrong. I put flip-the-bird when it should have been just flip-bird.
I feel better already!
"we held our breath..." captured the spell of wonder. Lovely poem & memory.
Thanks, ...deb. I'm going to have to ask my brother if he remembers this event...
(Applause!!!!)
This is just great!
I particularly am in love with, "when we were young and full of why?" (more applause).
Thanks, Dennis. That's my favorite, too.
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