[This week at Read Write Poem we were challenged to "change up your line length." While I write a lot of poems with short lines, I was not "feeling" a long-line poem. My free verse tends to be so conversational that without the shorter lines, all I seemed to have are paragraphs, not stanzas. I realized, though that I break lines where I want a pause, so for a challenge, I decided to write a poem with a shape to it, where the line breaks are based on the visual and not as a cue for the reader. I'm hoping this is conveyed as I want it on the web.]
Salute
Salute
I note the crisp cap and precise hair and confident look of the soldier as she stands with arm up in a salute. She exudes honor as she awaits a return salute. I am sure there is a code, a rule that says how long she must stand there waiting, but I do not know what it is. I was once urged to apply to West Point, but I knew I would not make a good soldier, not if it meant that I had to toe the line, to hold my tongue, stem the endless flow of questions I knew I would have.
Hi, ...deb. Thank you. And thanks for pointing out the last words, too. I wish I could say that my choice of those exact words was on purpose, but it wasn't. But now, I want to tinker to find if I can make them carry their own weight, simultaneous to the rest of the piece.
Thanks, SweetTalkingGuy.
Hello, Tom. I saw some great concrete poetry in a book a few years ago, and I think its been kicking around in the back of my mind since then. It was a lot of fun.
Intelligent, lesbian, jewish. I don't get enough exercise and I'm supposed to watch my cholesterol. For fun, I read & cook. I have eclectic taste in nearly everything.
The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ, Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it. - from the Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyám
Never let the truth stand in the way of a good story.
But never let a good story stand in the way of truth.
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I enjoyed this....well done on layout.
Thanks, Jo. It was as much a jigsaw puzzle as a poem - pieces had to fit spacially as well as meaning-wise.
I remember once in Mexico holding my arm up forever while they sang their national anthem!
I can see how difficult it must be to shape the lines to match an image. You succeeded.
Hello, Mariacristina. If I had to do that I think my arm would fall off! Or I might wish it would.... Thanks.
well you certainly accomplished your goal,, as i notice the shape of the salute even in the image less version... nice job!!!!
Thanks, Paisley. I think I want to try it with a shape a little more iconic - instantly recognizable. If they work, I'll post them.
You did that very well.
I tried a paradelle:
scientifically insane
Thanks, Gautami. I saw your paradelle and was impressed.
It seems you also used crisp words to caryy the tone/shape. I found reading just the last words of the line pert, too.
You stretched nicely.
It works well and you stretched it in just the right places to make it fit the image.
This was an interesting twist on the prompt, but very nice! I thought no one did concrete poetry anymore....
Hi, ...deb. Thank you. And thanks for pointing out the last words, too. I wish I could say that my choice of those exact words was on purpose, but it wasn't. But now, I want to tinker to find if I can make them carry their own weight, simultaneous to the rest of the piece.
Thanks, SweetTalkingGuy.
Hello, Tom. I saw some great concrete poetry in a book a few years ago, and I think its been kicking around in the back of my mind since then. It was a lot of fun.
This is great! I love how you used the shape and still said what you said.
Thanks, Cloudsome.
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