[Tricia at The Miss Rumphius Effect presented a great Monday Poetry Stretch this week - to write using Climbing Rhyme (see her post for a description). I combined that with the Read Write Poem prompt to find something we didn't like about summer and came up with this.]
Summer Funk
Beautiful sky
I go by foot
I try to be
a healthy one
but, see! In spite
of sun bright and
day right I find
that I mind this
entwined bit of
bad smell shoved (not
beloved) – a stench!
need I mention?
Attention held
tight by spelled air
as swelled stink coils
'round and soils walk
and foils my proud
mood. The crowd veers
as loud shouts fall
and cast pall on
just all that I
see. So, sigh, first,
and cry (some), and
walk as planned, though
not grand, nor fine.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
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8 comments:
Sister AE, there's nothing more aggravating than to have a walk interrupted by stench in the air. Very nice job on this new poetic form. Have a nice day. Also, it seems you are off for vacation soon. I hope all goes well.
that's an nice technique, using mid-line rhymes; it keeps things more interesting, it keeps me in a more heightened sense of anticipation not having the easy expectation of a coming end-of-line rhyme.
i'm glad i didn't have the experience the smell myself, and just get to read your description :-)
You do seem to have been having fun with this form... comes through in a very enjoyable poem! I hereby declare Burmese climbing poems are the new ghazals!
Thanks, Michelle, on all counts!
Hi, throwshiswords. glad you liked it. I definitely want to play with the form more (and also happy that smell is in the past!)
Hello, Lirone. Thanks so much! And thanks for the big laugh! I've just caught the idea of the ghazal, so it seems I may be doubling-up on the form-fads.
I love this form. Internal rhyme is one of my favorite poetic tools. Your really pull it off.
Thanks, Nathan. I really had fun with this and am looking forward to using it again. I think it may be interesting, too, to combine the idea of moving the internal rhymes when using other forms (that don't have such short lines), but that will take a little time to sort out.
Yeah, I love the way you've rhymed this.
Thanks, Andy. I was pretty pleased myself.
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