Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Summer Funk

[Tricia at The Miss Rumphius Effect presented a great Monday Poetry Stretch this week - to write using Climbing Rhyme (see her post for a description). I combined that with the Read Write Poem prompt to find something we didn't like about summer and came up with this.]

Summer Funk

Beautiful sky

I go by foot

I try to be

a healthy one

but, see! In spite

of sun bright and

day right I find

that I mind this

entwined bit of

bad smell shoved (not

beloved) – a stench!

need I mention?

Attention held

tight by spelled air

as swelled stink coils

'round and soils walk

and foils my proud

mood. The crowd veers

as loud shouts fall

and cast pall on

just all that I

see. So, sigh, first,

and cry (some), and

walk as planned, though

not grand, nor fine.


poefusion said...

Sister AE, there's nothing more aggravating than to have a walk interrupted by stench in the air. Very nice job on this new poetic form. Have a nice day. Also, it seems you are off for vacation soon. I hope all goes well.

Anonymous said...

that's an nice technique, using mid-line rhymes; it keeps things more interesting, it keeps me in a more heightened sense of anticipation not having the easy expectation of a coming end-of-line rhyme.

i'm glad i didn't have the experience the smell myself, and just get to read your description :-)

Anonymous said...

You do seem to have been having fun with this form... comes through in a very enjoyable poem! I hereby declare Burmese climbing poems are the new ghazals!

sister AE said...

Thanks, Michelle, on all counts!

Hi, throwshiswords. glad you liked it. I definitely want to play with the form more (and also happy that smell is in the past!)

Hello, Lirone. Thanks so much! And thanks for the big laugh! I've just caught the idea of the ghazal, so it seems I may be doubling-up on the form-fads.

Anonymous said...

I love this form. Internal rhyme is one of my favorite poetic tools. Your really pull it off.

sister AE said...

Thanks, Nathan. I really had fun with this and am looking forward to using it again. I think it may be interesting, too, to combine the idea of moving the internal rhymes when using other forms (that don't have such short lines), but that will take a little time to sort out.

Danny Wise said...

Yeah, I love the way you've rhymed this.

sister AE said...

Thanks, Andy. I was pretty pleased myself.